STILL - PART FOUR: NOTHING COMPARES TO YOU

Lindsay continues to stare at the ring, unable to tear her eyes away from it. It was exquisite ~ a delicate pink, square cut diamond set in white gold...such beauty she never could have possibly dreamt of. Perfect as it may be, the moment wasn't. There would be no proposal.

She feels the urge to cry, thinking of how amazing it could have been if things were different. So many times she'd invisioned Bobby down on one knee, asking for her hand in marriage...now it seems he'd imagined the same thing - them...together...forever. That familiar, soft, loving voice calls to her, driving her eyes to his.

"I um..." she takes a deep, shaky breath. "I don't know what to..." she pauses. "I can't - I..."

Reaching out, he strokes her cheek. "It's okay. You don't have to -" he sighs, hanging his head. "It wasn't supposed to happen this way."

Swallowing, Lindsay carefully eases her hand to the one Bobby has resting against her cheek, squeezing it lightly. "I know," she whispers, tilting her head to meet his face.

They are so close...a breath away from a kiss, when the elevator shifts. As the doors start to open, they part, standing. Quietly, the ring travels from her hand to his.

"I'd better go," she says as they walk out.

"Yeah...I should, uh - get back to work."

"Right," she nods, smiling a little.

"So...we'll talk later?"

"Mmm hmm. I'll call you from my hotel room."

"Where are you staying?"

Lindsay shrugs her shoulders. "I don't know yet."

"Oh."

"I'll let you know." Bobby nods. "See ya."

"See ya," he smiles, watching as she goes. He starts walking back to the elevator, but stops, turns back and runs after her. "Lindsay, hold on!"

"What is it, Bobby?"

"You've still got your key to my apartment, right?"

"Yeah, I have it right here," she pats her purse. "You want it back?"

"No, no. I was just thinking - why don't you stay with me?"

"Well, I -" she stutters.

"You'll have everything you need - more than you can get from a hotel - and it'll be free. And um...I'll...sleep on the couch."

"Are you sure about this?"

"Absolutely."

Lindsay is befuddled by Bobby's sudden change of heart. Only minutes ago he had bestowed the impression that he could care less if she slept on a bench in the park - now he's actually granting her admission to his home? It didn't make any sense. "I don't understand you, Bobby. You act as if you hate me, then you say you love me. You're shouting at me one minute, then you're kissing me the next."

"I didn't kiss you," he says hoarsely.

"Well, you came pretty damn close. If we'd been in there two seconds longer, you would have."

"It didn't look like you minded all that much," he chuckles. "And it wasn't just me. You were leaning..."

"That's not the point," she replies in a frustrated tone. "I'm not enjoying this blinker attitude thing you've got going on right now."

"Blinker attitude thing?" He laughs.

"Ugh," she huffs. "Nevermind."

"Yeah...Look, we can finish whatever this is tonite. I have a depo in ten. Just use the key and uh...make yourself at home."

"You're sure?" She asks emphatically.

"YES! Go!"

Lindsay looks at Bobby, strangely."You're crazy, you do realize that?" He offers no response. "Okay," she sighs. "See you tonite."

"Tonite," he repeats with a smile.

She stares at him a moment longer, then walks away.

~*~*~*~*~

Lindsay unlocks the door to Bobby's apartment, flicking on the light switch as she steps inside. Dropping her bags on the floor, she takes in the surroundings she'd grown accustomed to in the time she'd spent here. Nothing had changed.

Walking around, the memories hit her again and again. She'd found it difficult to be in his office - how on earth could she think this would be easy? Driving over, she had no fear of coming here - but maybe that was because she was still reeling from Bobby's odd behavior. It didn't matter anyway. Now is what mattered and now she wanted nothing more than to run out the door and escape this bittersweet glimpse of the past.

But she couldn't do it. She had to try...especially if it meant a second chance with Bobby.

The yawn that leaves her throat reminds her of how tired she is. Deciding to forget everything else for the moment, Lindsay picks up her things and moves into the bedroom. Quickly, she changes into her sweats and climbs into the bed - sleep claiming her instantly.

~*~*~*~*~

The sound of the phone ringing wakes Lindsay several hours later - the clock reading 'seven-forty-six' as she opens her eyes to its blurry red numbers. Unsure of whether or not she should answer it, she waits for the answering machine to come on.

"Lindsay, it's me. If you're there, pick up."

Hearing Bobby's voice, she reaches over and picks up the cordless. "I'm here."

"Why didn't you answer?"

"I was asleep...and I wanted to make sure it was you."

"Oh. I'm sorry I woke you."

"Don't be. I got more than enough rest, trust me."

"How long were you out?"

"Since about five minutes after I got here."

"But didn't you go straight there when you left?!"

"Ye-esssss..."

"WOW - you were that tired?!"

"I've been having trouble sleeping lately."

"Oh." He pauses, taking a breath. "Well, uh - you can knock yourself out. Looks like I'm gonna be here all night. I'm buried."

"Why don't you bring it here? Maybe I can help."

"No," he stops, thinking. "I don't want to burden you with it."

"But Bobby -"

"I appreciate the offer, Lindsay, really...but I can handle it."

"Fine," she sighs.

"I'm sorry. I know we were supposed to talk and everything."

"Don't worry about it."

"I gotta go...make sure you eat something okay? I'm pretty stocked up, so, you shouldn't have any trouble finding food."

"Okay. Thanks."

"Nite, Lindsay."

"Nite, Bobby."

~*~*~*~*~

A week later, Bobby enters the apartment at the fairly decent (compared to all the other nights) hour of ten. Much to his surprise, Lindsay is still awake - sitting on the sofa, engrossed in a television program.

"Still up?" He says, walking toward her.

"Yep," she replies shortly, not looking at him.

"Did you have a nice day?"

"Yep."

"You feeling okay?"

"Yep."

"What are you watching?"

"A movie."

He sits in his recliner, looking her way - she doesn't return the gesture, and keeps her eyes on the television. "Lindsay?"

"What, Bobby?"

"Please, look at me." When she does, her displeasure is obvious. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she says, cooly.

"Don't lie to me," he whispers. "Please don't."

"OH- but it IS okay for YOU to lie to ME?!"

"I never -"

"Just stop right there! Don't say another word!" She stands, fuming. "Do you think I'm stupid, Bobby?!"

"What?!"

"I said - 'do you think I'm stupid'?!"

"Of course not!"

"Well, you have to excuse me for wondering. It seems you think you can tell me that you're working late every night and then expect me to believe you."

"I have been!"

"No! You're avoiding me, dammit, and I wanna know why!"

"I'm not -"

"You stay at that office from seven thirty in the morning until two or three the NEXT morning, Bobby. How could you possibly think that I bought into your 'overload' nonsense?" She pauses. "Look, I've put up with it for as long as I can take. I know you think it's none of my business because we're estranged in some sort of way, but you have to give me a little credit. I'm here because of you and this baby. If you don't want to be a part of it's life, then I'll deal with that. But I have responsibilities elsewhere, too, and it's not fair for you to disrespect that. One way or another, we have to discuss it - NOW."

"I know," he whispers. "That's why I came home tonight...instead of sleeping at the office."

"Why were you?"

"For a lot of reasons. I just - I just needed to think, really."

She nods, understanding. He stands and grabs her hand, pulling her onto the couch with him.

"I need you to do something for me, Lindsay..."

"What?"

"Listen...just listen. I have some things to say."

"Okay..."

Bobby is quiet for a minute, eying Lindsay's hand as he holds onto it tightly. "When you were gone that first time...doing the interview and everything...I made a deal with myself. I said that no matter what happened, we would make it work. I kept thinking about how we made love that last time...after you got the phone call...after we argued...that moment was so intense, I -" He stops, shaking his head. "I was so desperate to prove this love I couldn't even put into words...then I knew I couldn't live without you. I mean, I knew I loved you way before then, but I never understood what that kind of passion could do to a person...it's terrifying and wonderful all at once...to know that each breath you take lies in the hands of someone else."

"You were scared?"

"Yeah," Bobby nods. "And when you took that job - I don't know, I - I guess I took that as a sign that you were scared, too. I'm scared, you're scared - so that must mean something, right? Why not take the chance to snatch a better excuse and use it against you - make you turn out to be the bad guy...and me the wounded, totally innocent one? That would somehow justify the end of us." She looks at him as though she understands but is confused as well. "I know this really doesn't make sense...I wish it did. The point is - I confused myself...and I think - it sort of blinded me to the truth...made me...stupid." He shakes his head, caressing her cheek. "I've been such an idiot, Linds...and I'm so, so sorry..."

Lindsay begins to cry. "Why are you doing this, Bobby? What are you trying to say?"

"I-"

"I'm not going to keep the baby away from you, okay? So, if this is just a ploy to stop me from doing that, you're wasting your time."

"I know you'd never do that, Lindsay! That's not it!"

"Then, what is it?"

"Do I really need to say it? Don't you know?"

"No," she whispers, sniffling.

"I love you," he says softly. "I want to work this out...us..."

"You want to work this out?" She asks, disbelievingly.

"Yes..."

"Why? Because of the baby?"

"No...well, that's part of it, of course, but -" He pauses. "I know I don't deserve a second chance. I know that I hurt you...but Lindsay, you have to know - I'd give anything to take it back."

Lindsay takes a deep breath, digesting it all. "It wasn't all you, Bobby...you get used to things being a certain way and when something comes along and hits you like a ton of bricks - well, it's hard to deal with. I didn't ask for that job - and I didn't take it with the intention of hurting you...but I should have given it more time...demanded for more than a couple of weeks to sort everything out. I really think that had we been given at least that...this whole month could have been very different.''

"You wanna know what I think?"

"What?"

"We can say a bunch of 'shouldas', 'wouldas' and 'couldas', until we're blue in the face...but it won't change anything. All we can do is live in the present...take hold of what we can have in the future...never let go again."

"I do want a future with you, Bobby...more than anything..."

He laughs a little, happy. "You do?"

"Yes," she grins.

"Then you won't mind if I ask you something?"

"No," she giggles, shakily.

"Good," Bobby chuckles, kissing her quickly. Lindsay is in awe as he gets down on one knee before her, never letting go of her hand. Pulling the box out of his pocket, he holds it up. "When I got this, I thought of it as a symbol of my promise to you - to always be by your side...it was what I wanted...but I never could have imagined how deep my need went - because I'd never felt anything like it before. I've had some incredible losses in my life...and I've allowed them to hold my emotions under lock and key...but now...with you...I know I can't do that anymore." He pauses, shaking his head a bit as he smiles. "The moment we met, you...struck me in some way...left me with this feeling of wonder...there was something about you...and I just knew I had to see you again. I still can't explain it...I just know that I would've died without you...because you are everything I've been missing all my life - all the things I knew of and didn't. I want to grow old with you...raise children and spoil grandchildren with you...build a life out of our dreams, and just - make your tomorrow nothing but blissful...as close to perfect as it can be." Looking down briefly, he stops, then looks back up into her tear-glistened eyes. "I've made mistakes in my life, Lindsay...done things I'm not proud of...but with you as my partner...I'm a better man. I want to spend the rest of my life with you...loving you...taking care of you...because I'm nothing without you." He sighs. "So..." he begins, nervously, opening the box. "Lindsay Suzanne Dole..." he turns the ring so she can see it. "Will you marry me?"

Tears are now streaming down Lindsay's cheeks. She is speechless...all ability to think or move is temporarily lost in reaction to his heartfelt profession of love.

"Uh, Linds?" He laughs. "You're killing me here...please say something...anything..."

"Anything?" She asks, playfully.

"Anything," he nods. "Except 'no', of course..."

"So, 'I don't think so' is okay?"

"Lindseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee," he moans. "Just say 'yes'..."

"Yes," she whispers, leaning forward, kissing him over and over again. "Yes, yes, yes..."

"Oh," he sighs, kissing her back. "I love you..."

"I love you..."

"Here..." he says gently, pulling back. "Let's see about this ring, huh?"

"Yeah," she smiles, holding out her left hand. "Perfect," she purrs as he slips it on. "It's so beautiful..."

As she admires it, he admires her. "Sure is..."

Catching him, Lindsay blushes, throwing her arms around his neck...kissing him passionately. "Keep it up and you just might find yourself in bed, Mr. Donnell..." she warns in her most seductive voice, nuzzling her nose to his.

"Really now?" Bobby husks, standing as he holds her tightly against him. "Might you come with?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way..." she vows, accepting his kiss most joyously...rewarding him with a long, sweet moan of appreciation.

Bobby walks them into his bedroom, kissing and touching along the way. Falling onto the bed, they claw at each other...clothing removed and tossed carelessly aside...gentle caresses from lips and hands all over...soft, silky skin burns beneath his skillful touch...trembling...sighing...begging for more...dancing tongues...one...desperate bodies thrusting hungrily in unison...rejoicing in reunion...celebrating all they have been blessed with...minds, hearts and souls surrendering to what is meant to be...panting...moaning...oaths and names cried out as esctacy nears.

Leisurely, they kiss as they cling to one another...hot, sweat beaded bodies reveling in the afterglow of lovemaking. Though consumed by happiness, both recognize the presense of the same problem still threatening to build a wall between them. But the power of their love - their connection - sets their minds at ease. For it was no longer a possibility or a hope - but a fact - that no matter what the future brought, they'd face it...~together~.

PART FIVE